Supremo Columbian Beans
At least it's not sold near you!
Poor taste, poor brew, inferior beans
Colombia is highly regarded as the best region for coffee. Producing some of the most consistently high-quality beans with excellent flavor, profile, and body. I’ve been longing to review some beans from this amazing region since we’ve started our little site. Unfortunately, the shipping restrictions placed on military families overseas prevent us from receiving beans through the mail. (Also, it honestly takes up to 6 weeks for shipments to get here.) That leaves us with the last resort of purchasing our beans through the commissary (which carries only the standard pre-ground selections) or finding the beans on our local economy. So, Colombian hasn’t really been on the menu.
We made a trip down to France last week and I managed to pick up a few different types of beans to try (we already reviewed LavAazza’s here.) One of them was a small bag of Columbian Supreme and it was pretty affordable, the package was pretty, so, of course, I grabbed it.
My god did I mess up.
We all know a great deal of all the new things we try, we will end up hating. That’s the whole basis behind most review sites: to force keyboard jabbing monkeys, who like being test subjects, to sample products for our own amusement. I like to think that’s why you all read this blog, secretly waiting for me to try something awful so you can laugh about it on your morning break. Well, it happened.
I’m kidding of course, I love you guys. But, serious, this stuff is bad.
Colombian Supreme is bad. Like, Really, Really Bad.
Husks? Yup, Husks. Those white bits? Those are actual bits of husks in this coffee. I mean, I know whole coffee sometimes comes with husks. But pre-ground? Did no one look before they ground this stuff? Did they just think, “Sure, it’s D-grade beans but, let’s just toss it all in and see what happens.”
What the heck.
How do you even find beans with this many husks in it? Did they buy the beans other roasters rejected? Or is there an actual market for dumpster dive coffee. Probably explains the insanely cheap prices for Colombian.
It’s not delivery, it’s rejected floor sweepings.
Don’t worry, it’s going to get ugly.
What grind is this? I honestly don’t know. I think if I were to run it through a sifter I might get both coarse and fine… oh and husks. I’m not even sure why I’m harping on the grind, maybe because I can’t smell this stuff in pictures. It’s been a week and I think I can still smell the overpowering smell of… what I want to say is burnt gin?
No, sir. I swear it’s just coffee.
Get ready for the worst.
I went ahead and ran the Colombian Supreme grinds through a few of my coffee makers. You know, to see what husks taste like.
Coffee husks taste burnt.
No, no. This isn’t your everyday type of burnt. Not like, Starbucks is really Charbucks, burnt. More like, did the roasting facility catch on fire, burnt. I would only recommend this to you if you ever actually thought, “Hey, I love the smell of burning charcoal, I wonder what it would be like to drink it?”
Hint: not good.
The only other note to come out from under the burnt roast is a strong alcohol taste that is in no way pleasant and in every way… am I okay to drive? So, there you go college kids. No need to buy that 6 pack off some random guy, you’ve got coffee.
We’re almost done now, it’s going to be okay.
I did a test run of our Colombian Supreme through my cheap thrift store espresso machine which I keep around for this exact purpose. The coffee did actually produce crema (yay?) but, no more than a thin layer and, of course, tasted way worse than it smelled. I’ll admit I just threw most of this in the compost. I hate wasting coffee, but I don’t want to know how much sugar I would have to pour on this to make it drinkable.
Probably slightly less than Charbucks does.
This Colombian Supreme coffee isn’t likely to be available near you. I honestly can’t find it through any stateside stores, it’s not on amazon, and I’ve only seen it in one French grocery store. So, there’s very little risk that someone thinks this is good coffee. There are plenty of other options available to you and I hope you take advantage of them. I also hope you support my keyboard jabbing monkey testing habits by clicking on the affiliate links on our site. We promise to spend it irresponsibly on awful coffee and dry humor.